Dear Gobby,

Hello readers, I am presenting a new addition to the gob blog this week called Dear Gobby. I am hopeful that this feature will be a useful and insightful means to help the readers with their goblin problems as well as keep you all entertained.

This weeks question:
"Dear Gobby, my friend's wife recently got wart enhancement and I really think it looks good. how do I convince my wife that she should give it a try?"

Sincerely,
-Gob for Warts

Dear Gob for Warts,

Although I am a goblin, and not a beautiful gobalina, I can assure you that you should approach your wife with due care. First of all you should not mention your friends wife or how good she looks after her procedure. You don't want to encourage your wife to undergo a surgical procedure so that she looks more like another women, this will not make her happy. You should start by asking her opinion on wart enhancement, perhaps you could show her an article online relating to wart enhancement. Or better yet leave around some wart enhancement brochures around the house to get her attention.

The best thing you can do, if all those other brilliant strategies fail, is to be honest and ask your wife openly if she has thought about wart enhancement. You should be able to discuss openly with your spouse those parts of your life together that you think are important.

Beyond this however you should ask yourself why you want your wife to get wart enhancement. Is it simply a matter of physical attractiveness, do you want your wife to have more ravishing and attractive wart? Do you wish your wife looked more like some other gobalina?
Its possible, when you consider the options, that a wart enhancement is something that may do more harm than good to both you and your wife.

-Sincerely

Gobby.

The Ever Present Gob-Travesty

The origins of the Gobstopper, to most people may seem unworthy of scrutiny or investigation. The horrible truth is that the Gobstopper was not simply created as a long lasting candy for the sugar loving masses. 

 

In 1971, the Wonka candy company was facing increasing pressure from labor law groups who had been pressing for him to adopt more modern labor and wage practices. Recent riots and walkouts in the Italian and French candy industry brought the candy-labor problem to international attention.

 

Mr. Wonka, under pressure from his sugar/chocolate supplier Breaker Confections, was being forced to suppress the growing dissent among his rank of workers. At the time Mr. Wonka used Goblin labor almost exclusively in his candy factories. Breaker Confections, worried that the recent unrest in Europe would spill over into America and allow the Goblin laborers to unionize, insisted that Mr. Wonka fire all Goblin employees and hire a little known group of immigrants called the Oompa Loompa's. The Loompa's were a fringe ethnic group from southern Albania which Breaker Confections had been smuggling illegally into the country to work at their factories.

 

After being fired the Goblin workers did organize and started massive protests in front of all Wonka and Breaker factories. In 1972 the Wonka candy company, at the urging of Breakers CEO Gunter Slugworth, started an anti-goblin campaign seeking to marginalize the goblin protest groups and spread rumors to curb support for their pro-labor efforts.

 

The centerpiece of this campaign was the release of the Everlasting Gobbstopper. The candy along with the ad's for the candy portrayed goblins as greedy, self serving and seeking only to control the hard earned wealth of the American people. The anti-goblin campaign was a success, with the goblin protests being prohibited by state ordinances throughout the country. The Everlasting Gobbstopper became one of Wonka's best selling products, and their profits increased dramatically with the use of illegal Albanian Oompa labor.

Goblin Philanthropy

Well if it isn’t my favorite Goblin Investor, Bernard Madoff. Far have the goblin financiers fallen, and brought shame to the long legacy of honorable financial dealings between goblins and humans.

 

Just as a bonus, this famed financier decided to defraud his own goblin jew kind, his family of goblin Jews. As a goblin Jew myself I find this too be the most shameful action on the part of Mr. Madoff. It wasn’t as if goblin Jews weren't already hated enough, now you go and defraud funds that support Goblocaust survivors. Truly shameful. 

 

As a side note: Mr. Madoff's scheme was a ponzi scheme, named after Charles Ponzi, the greatest goblin swindler to ever live. It is not however pronounced pon-zai (like bon-zai) it is pronounced ponzi as in Fonzi. That is all, carry on. 

Pre-Life

Oh what Goblin tales we weave, to frolic free and text all day. To travel these lands and photos to take, to check my mail, sports scores I receive; in this fee land I have my Pre.

 

Goblin fans, I write to you to discuss my disappointment and malaise over the delayed release of the Palm Pre. Goblins like myself find the current market of touch-screen phones are just not sufficient to meet human OR goblin needs. 

 

What freedom can we have when we can browse the internet with two flicks of our fingers, and yet are forced to type or messages into an unfamiliar and unresponsive "digital" keyboard.

 

I wait for the day of our salvation when Palm will finally release this freedom package, and rain down upon us updated graphics and a QWERTY keyboard.

 

God Bless

Goblin Tales

There once was a Goblin named Jimbo

His legal status was in Limbo

He put on his hat and grilled up a Cat

Now he's raped by a cellmate named Kimbo

Goblins in Film

I dont know what this is, but I dont like it. Goblin's are not the lecherous and nefarious figures that are portrayed in film and television. Fight the powers that be Goblin Nation, I implore you

The Glorious Goblin Wrestler: Mascarita Dorada

Among the many contributions that Goblin's have made to our society is their prevalance in entertainment and fighting arts.

Here you see Mascarita Dorada demonstrating the South Latin style of Goblin Acrobatics at a wrestling bout in Mexico.

Disability and the Modern Goblin

Disability Benefits for goblins are one of the major issues for working class goblins today. While many laboring goblins who work for cash or are in this country illegally, disability insurance is not even an option. For these groups, as many other minorities in this country free clinics and ER visits are their only option for medical care.

However, even among the gainfully employed goblin masses there is a serious problem of insurers willing to extend goblin policies. There are continuing court battles to afford goblins the same rights to have comprehensive disability insurance policies, however the battle is a slow one. Insurance companies and doctors are well aware that goblins are highly susceptible to lower back, and muscle spasms ailments. In addition goblins are 50% more likely to develop mental disorders such as depression and anxiety.

While there are those organizations which offer free clinics and mental health advise, their resources are limited. For additional information please visit 

http://www.disabilityinfo.gov/digov-public/public/DisplayPage.do?parentFolderId=500

http://www.fcc.gov/cgb/dro/

Goblin Discrimination in our Nations ad-campaigns

 

An example from our own nations dark history with the use of Goblin imagery for personal and corporate gain. This exploitation was among the countless other instances of using the marginal position of minorities in our society.

Purpose of this blog

In this blog I intend to post regularly about my thoughts and feelings about legal issues in our world as well as Goblin related news and occurences.

I welcome my readers to email me or comment on my posts, and also to use this blog and my knowledge as a resource for legal/goblin advice.

Please feel free to email me at any time with any questions you want answered, or just general comments on this blog.

-The Goblin

Welcome to the Terror Dome!

Hey, this is the Law Goblin. Welcome to my Goblin Law blog. Prepare yourself for a new legal/goblin experience....

more to come soon.